Sterling Vineyard

It feels like only yesterday that I came here with you one night to listen to live music.  One night when we were falling in love as the snow fell around us on the sim.  Noone and nothing else mattered.  One of the most beautiful and amazing nights I’ve ever spent in SL.  Now I’m here tonight, alone.  The snow is falling, the trees lighted and all I feel is cold and I hardly hear the music.

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A Thank You to Friends

Even though I put a little thank you to my friends in my profile, I wanted to do it again here too.  The last few weeks have been incredibly hard on me, I think that can go without saying, and it was also in these last few weeks that I came to find out who my REAL friends were and who I could trust and count on.  Whether it was in world in an IM or in RL over the phone, skype or Facebook several people have been an absolute blessing to me.  Without them I dont know if I would have made it thru all the shit that has been flung at me.  When I began to doubt myself I was lucky enough to have people remind me of my strength of character, intelligence, selfworth and what is really important.  People, who when push come to shove seem to have my back, who understand me and value me as a friend and a person.  In some cases, it’s made my friendships with some folks even better or stronger than before.  So special thanks goes out to my sister Ash, Electric, Ali, Bonnie, MC and Maribeth.  OMG especially Maribeth, I have no clue WHAT I would have done without her, she has been my sounding board almost daily for weeks.  She is not only a great listener but full of  great advice.  As the weeks go on, I know that I will still have some lonely and bad points to get through, but atleast I can rest assured that there are people out there to lend an ear if I really need it. 🙂

And The Word of the Day is…

Betrayal!  Yes you heard that correctly boys and girls, the word is Betrayal.  To some people loyalty and honesty mean nothing…

R.E.M- Final Straw

Edit for 12/7/10, even though I posted this yesterday it is even more fitting today.  Saddens me to even say that, but it does…

Yes, once again, I find thier lyrics to be so fitting for my mood. 

Final Straw Lyrics

As I raise my head to broadcast my objection
As your latest triumph draws the final straw
Who died and lifted you up to perfection?
And what silenced me is written into law.

I can’t believe where circumstance has thrown me
And I turn my head away
If I look I’m not sure that I could face you.
Not again. not today. not today.

If hatred makes a play on me tomorrow
And forgiveness takes a back seat to revenge
There’s a hurt down deep that has not been corrected.
There’s a voice in me that says you will not win.

And if I ignore the voice inside,
Raise a half glass to my home.
But it’s there that I am most afraid,
And forgetting doesn’t hold. it doesn’t hold.

Now I don’t believe and I never did
That two wrongs make a right.
If the world were filled with the likes of you
Then I’m putting up a fight. I’m putting up a fight.
Putting up a fight. make it right. make it right.

Now love cannot be called into question.
Forgiveness is the only hope I hold.
And love- love will be my strongest weapon.
I do believe that I am not alone.

For this fear will not destroy me.
And the tears that have been shed
It’s knowing now where I am weakest
And the voice in my head. in my head.

Then I raise my voice up higher
And I look you in the eye
And I offer love with one condition.
With conviction, tell me why.
Tell me why.
Tell me why.
Look me in the eye.
Tell me why.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMSAYUyutLk

It’s Over

After three years it’s over.  There is nothing more to really say about it.  I will always love him, he’s been a part of me for so long.  The only ones who really know what happened are us.  That’s all I have to say.

This Month…

This month has been all about real life.  I have been popping into SL when I get the chance or more importantly when I feel up to it, but most of my energy has been spent focusing on RL.  Not only has it been a busy month for me in RL I have also been extremely sick the past few weeks and have just been trying to rest as much as I can to get better as quickly as possible.  Hopefully I will be back to 100% soon so I can go back to preparing for the arrival of baby in a few months.  Also as any pregnant woman knows illness and pregnancy are never a good combination.  On one good note  RL hubby and I will be celebrating our four year wedding anniversary tomorrow!  It’s wonderful being happy and in love with a great man.  Not only that I get to go visit my family over Halloween weekend!  

As for SL when I have been in world, it’s been quiet.  Been spending most of my time around the house or for brief periods shopping or at jewelry fair.  Whatever BS I still had left was either muted, deleted or both and now all that is left is quiet and the people and things that really matter.  So much has been going on in my RL that it has helped more than ever to take stock of what is truely important, especially in SL. 

Hope all my readers, whoever you might be, find yourself happy, healthy and positive.

Interesting

A friend of mine made a comment at a live show the other night to which someone replied ” Some people never change”.  The thing is this person never knew my friend…or did they…or did they only know them in passing….or did a mutual friend introduce them and they talked…or this person doesn’t know them at all.  One thing IS for certain people who contradict themselves all over the place are usually lying.  Then again I KNOW this person is a liar considering the amount of times they lied to me…and now I watch as they lie to others.

Title

It’s the end of August and I realize the whole month has gone by without one word from me.  I’ve had lots to say and a few posts I intended to write, but real life has had me pretty distracted these days and all for very very good reason!  I don’t think things could be going any better for me right now and I am so ridiculously happy and more content than I have been for a long time.  Hope your real lives find you not only happy but safe too.

Letting Go…

Sometimes you just have to let the past go.  You have to realize that not everyone is going to like you and that there are times you just have to cut your losses.  If you know the truth that is all that matters.  There comes a point when it’s just not healthy to hold on to the past anymore, when your anger and bitterness will do nothing more than eat away at you.  Forgiveness is a powerful tool, I learned it and so should some others.  Sure you might never forget what someone did but atleast forgiving them and moving past it frees you from the power and control they have over you.  If your life is good, whether it be RL or SL what anyone else is doing shouldn’t really matter and it REALLY shouldn’t matter if it happened somewhere in the past.  I don’t know how some people live filled with so much hostility and anger, that is just exhausting to me.  I only wish good things on those from my past, no matter what they did to me or how the friendship ended.  In some cases I still respect the person very much for who they are, we just aren’t all cut out to be friends.  I’m in a good place in both my lives right now which is wonderful and I count my blessings instead of focusing negative energy on others.  It’s nothing but a waste.  Instead just take the lessons you learned from the experience and grow from it and use it to improve who you are as a person.

Blast From the Past X3!

Wow. So.  It was just in my last blog post that I mentioned all the people who have been a part of my SL but had since moved on.  We all know it comes with the territory, sometimes people have to leave for different reasons, often times with no explanations or warning.  Having been in world as long as I have this has happened to me quite often, there have been many people whether close to me or not that have some how touched me only to vanish.  This week, however, wasn’t about someone leaving but about three folks from my past reconnecting with me!!  I can’t tell you how thrilled and excited I am! 

 The first was someone who although I wasn’t super close to I always saw her around and we chatted and goofed around at different shows.  She always made them way more fun, but about a year ago chose to leave SL.  Des and I took notice, but never asked around figuring she might have just changed avies or left over some sort of bs or another.  The other night I got an IM, and after making sure it was even for me, her and I talked and talked about a lot of different things.  Of-course that just made me wonder why her and I never really talked much before!  Really glad to see her back and I have a chance to get to know her better! 🙂

The next night I logged in only to get an IM from my first land lady turned friend Zoraya who left SL two years ago saying she was back!  Now this one really shocked me because she had said she would never be back, sure glad she changed her mind though.  We met when I rented my first home from her way back in 2006, mmhmm you heard right 2006.  She had two sims at the time, one with a bunch of homes that she rented out and the other a gorgeous romantic sim for dancing and cuddling.  Whenever I wasn’t hanging out at home I used to spend hours on that sim just relaxing in one of it’s many quiet little spots since it was just a brief walk over.  Damn, I sure loved that house and to this day have a fond memory of it.  She said she is currently working on a new sim and I can’t wait to see what she does!  She is so talented and creative so I know it’s going to be outstanding.

If these two weren’t enough the next night I was chillin with my RL hubby watching tv when my crackberry dinged a message from facebook.  I was stunned to see my old friend Dreucel had managed to track me down!  Now, granted I was still on his MySpace page(that I never go to anymore) so it wasn’t THAT hard but none the less I haven’t heard from him in ages.  I lost his phone number when my first crackberry met it’s untimely fate and for whatever reason I was never able to get the dork to respond to my email attempts to get ahold of him.  Yeah, he is sorta like that. lol  Now Dreu is the man who got me dating in SL so many moons ago back in 2006.  I guess you could say we had a thing, some very strong feelings, but he chose to go another way which absolutely crushed my heart into a million pieces.  For the longest time we weren’t even friends, but, eventually we reconnected.  We had a long talk and I was able to forgive him and moved past it.  He hasn’t been in SL in wow going on three years, but we did keep in pretty good contact in RL for awhile.  Now I hope once again that him and I can reconnect more often in RL.  I sure have missed him!

My SL has been really good the last few months, back to being calm and relaxed.  Granted it’s summer and I haven’t been in world as often as I usually am, but still, it’s nice knowing when I am around I don’t have to deal with any nonsense.  For some reason I feel like I changed, again, and I just take things as they come more so than I did in the past.  I figure hearing from these three old friends is just an extention of that and helps remind me that I am a good person despite what a handful of other folks might think.  It also gives me hope that I might still see other friends I care about return to SL when thier RL’s settledown.