I hunted for crap…and loved it!

Yes yes you heard correct, I hunted for crap, sh*t, poop, fecal matter, cow pies, etc etc. Why you might ask? Because the oh so wonderful Dove Swanson of LAP (Long Awkward Pose) did a magnificent freebie hunt that had us looking for fifteen piles of crap all over her store. It was Great! The hunt started two days ago and was group only until the word began to leak out to others not in her group. What awesome poses they were too, including boys, girls, groups and couples! She is one of the most generous shop owners I have met in SL. I have soooo many of her poses and I dont think I have paid full price for any of them. (Please note here that I would and will gladly pay full price for any of her poses because they are worth every penny!) She is always giving away freebies and gifties and holding great sales of half-off so there simply is no need to. I still have 900 in giftcards to use there and really need to get on that. Des bought me one 500L card for my rezday I still have and then I won 400L when she gave away 100 of them randomly to her group members. She is simply awesome and so very talented too. She does some of the most unique poses I have seen in SL (Love the ladder and circle poses) and soooo many group and couples poses! If you love poses, if you model or do photography and haven’t heard of LAP ( What, are you living under a rock?) get over there and check out her store and better yet, join her group! She spoils us rotten!

Oh and on the note of poses…my wonderful Des decided to buy me some great poses at LostAngel Poses. He bought me three couples sets and the entire boudoir set! I took him there to SHOW him and next thing I know he drops the money on me and says buy it lol. Of-course there was some talk of how I have to now take sexy pics for him or something but I blocked that part out lol. I love that man, not because he buys me things, but because he is so good to me all around. Oh how he spoils me.

My collection of poses is really growing. YAY!

His song for me

I had something happen to me last night that was unexpected.  While Des and I were out listening to live music, a performer I have never heard before started singing a song.  It was Ray’s song to me, the first song he had ever said reminded him of me and passed me a copy of.  That song is Amazed by Lonestar.  What was so unexpected, was that I started to cry.  I had not heard that song since our wedding day and hearing it last night brought back so many wonderful memories for me.  I miss Ray, I have for a long time.  So many times I considered contacting him and decided not to.  I wonder if he thinks about me the way I still think about him.  If he ever remembers the good times we had and how much love we had for one another. A love that ran far deeper than anyone knows.  I hope whatever he is doing he is good and that his RL is improving for him.  He deserves that.  Those tears reminded me of how important he is to me and always will be, and of all the wonderful things he brought to my life so long ago.  Everytime I hear that song I will think of him, the rest of my life.

Words That Inspire

Most people in SL don’t know what I have been going through lately in my RL because I have kept that fairly quiet and close to me. While at the lab today to have MORE blood drawn (hopefully this will be it for awhile) I saw this up in the office of the person registering me. It made me smile so I asked her if she could get me a copy of it, she was more than glad too, she said “anything that can make someone happy” and it sure did. I just wanted to share here with everyone some words that helped lift me up in one of the hardest times of my RL.

Never regret a day in your life.

Good days give you Happiness.

Bad days give you Experiences

Both are essential to life.

Keep Going…

Happiness keeps you Sweet,

Trials keep you Strong,

Sorrows keep you Human,

Failures keep you Humble,

Success keeps you Glowing,

But only God keeps you Going!

Have a great day! The Son is shining!!

My Card…So True!

                     

   You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents, beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

Quit Crabbing About Drama

Ok I have to say how tired I am of people running around SL saying they don’t want drama, dont like drama, save the drama for your momma, save it for RL and on and on. 

First of all if you have any emotions and invest yourself even alittle bit into sl you are going to have some minor drama with people from time to time.  It comes with the territory. 

Second, learn the REAL definition of drama.  Not everything is drama.  Someone telling you how they feel, having a difference of opinion or having an arguement with someone is not drama.

Third, Most people who run around sl screaming in their profiles how they hate drama are usually the people who thrive on it.  They hangout in places that breed it.  They create it when there is none to be found and they are bored if there just isn’t any going on. 

Drama comes with the territory of interaction and having emotions. It’s a part of SL just like it is in RL.  Knowing what drama really is can help and if you really dont like it then STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM IT!  I mean for goodness sake I have no tolerance for stupid people but I sure don’t paste it all over my profile.

The Mask That Hides the Truth

It’s interesting to me how you can think you know someone so well yet never knew them at all.  How some people wear such a wonderful mask that they have everyone around them fooled.  How they can keep people at bay, keep them fooled into thinking they are a sweet wonderful person when in reality they aren’t always like that.  No I’m not talking about when someone is having a bad day, or when someone is upset with you but when a person has a dark part of themselves that most luckily never see.  I know there are many in sl who think they know someone, and they don’t know them at all.  They can’t even begin to understand how mean and hurtful this person can be.  How this person can watch you cry and yet keep bereating you over and over again.  How this person can say such horrible things and in the same breath tell you that they love you.  The emotional abuse leaving deep gaping scars.  Them blaming you for everything when infact you aren’t doing anything wrong.  This person going from the sweet person you first met to this evil person they have become the more you know them on a daily basis.  Not only do they hurt you over and over again they are wonderful at making themselves look like the victim.  At all costs they must look like the victim or someone else might start to catch onto them.

There are so many fake people in SL, people who act one way to your face and different behind your back.  There are people who never knew you or haven’t spoken to you in months who have the ignorance to think they know what is going on in your head.  I laugh.  They don’t know this person no more than they know me.  Some are such a master of disguise, this person sure is.  Most are not, they are fairly easy to weed out and get away from.  Not this one, they suck you in and make you think they are the greatest person you have met.  They make you feel special and safe.  Most are lucky, that is all they see, they dont see what lurks underneath.  I know what lurks underneath, I’ve seen it, and I got away from it and luckily I was strong enough to get over it.

The Slap Heard Around the Grid

Just when I didn’t think I could ever be insulted anymore I suffer the biggest insult. The biggest slap in the face that anyone has ever done to me in my two years of SL. My ex family member who pushed myself and Des out of her life, and who for the most part has done that to our other sister as well, has now joined a Gorean Family Network as a means to find Gorean Families to associate with. Not because you have any emotional attachment to them but just so you can be part of the group. I mean WTF? How can you do something like this? What kind of person do you really have to be that you throw away one family and then try to find another one? When you can be so selfish to walk away from people who loved you over a man? UGH. I am completely disgusted! I can’t believe I called her my sister. Her true colors seem to be emerging more and more. Now I wonder just how emotionally invested she ever was into our friendship and family to have done all she did. She clearly is only in SL to have a man since she can’t go find one in rl. We now know that is the only reason she is in SL, and as if that wasn’t a slap in the face enough, she now does this. *Snickers* Others must not be liking her cult leader man as much as she is.

Friends and The Friendslist

Ah yes the friendslist.  A topic that is much talked about and dealt with in so many different ways.  For some they never delete anyone from thier list unless there is some major problem that has transpired.  For others they keep their list very small, only keeping on there those that actually IM with them.  I tend to fall more in the later category, granted I do have more on there then just the few I chat with.  Over the last couple months or so I been staring alot at my FL, wondering what to make of it.  After the loss of Suma I went into a sort of hiding, I started seeing my FL differently.  I stopped trying to meet new people and stopped chatting with those that I normally would have with about three exceptions.  The idea of investing myself in anymore friendships seemed worthless when I had just invested months into one that was tossed aside because I no longer fit into “her new life”.  From there I cleaned house.  Anyone who I never spoke to, heard from or never hung out with was cut off, again with a few exceptions.  These were people that I never bumped into, or who were rarely on and in most cases were never friends anyway.  Yeah I know, I’m one of those strange people that doesn’t believe someone is a friend just because they are on my list.  Being a friend takes alot more than that.

So I cut down the list and for some time felt no need to add to it, then summer really hit, the good weather in most parts of the country and all that.  My friendlist started to look scarce.  Fewer names were lighting up at night, some friends have decided now is a good time to take a long break from SL.  This led me to think for several weeks I had no friends, or that noone cared.  Which of course is NOT the case lol, silly me just cant put two and two together.  Even myself and my sl sister Kaki fall into this category, being more busy in our rl than in months past, atleast with her we catch up on the phone regularly.

Along with the notions of cutting friends, no friends and investing in friends I started to look over my friendships I have had.  Thinking of some of the names that were once on my list but now aren’t.  When I mention this I am not talking about those that were just names on my list but those that at some point meant something to me.   There are several that stick out.  Some I knew for a few months, others I knew almost a year, but in each case the friendship ended.  Or was it ever a friendship?  In this self reflection I began to wonder if those people had really been my friends to start with would our friendship now be over?  The answer was clearly NO.  True friends, real friends know who you are.  They know what is in your heart and find it worth while to come and talk to you about things.  And they most certainly do not accuse you of things with no sort of proof.  Those few that are out there that think badly of me, certainly did not know me.  In the long run I realized that of all those names that have been on my list only three really mattered to me, and two of them are also my exs.  As far as friends go, even though it might have stung some at the time the clip from the list happened only one friend left me with a feeling of loss.  That person I think knows who she is, Suma.  I still feel that loss now and probably always will.  It was because of her that I started thinking about all this and viewing my friends in SL so differently.

My Second Rezday

Friday, June 27, 2008 was my second rezday in SL which I rang in in a very uneventful manner.  No big shindig, no big todo, just me and a couple good friends relaxing and talking.  For one I didn’t even let most folks know it was my rezday, I figured if they knew great, if not that was fine too.  For whatever reason I just wanted to bring in my third year quietly, which worked for me.  Des had made some plans for that night, but unfortunately had to log early.  Before going we got to spend sometime together and he gave me my presents.  It started before he even logged in, I was sent a box from a designer and asked to please accept it, ofcourse I already had( Des had warned me).  Inside that box was something I wasn’t planning on…a speedboat.  I stared at it for abit wondering why a speedboat but now that I rezzed it up and took it for a spin all I can say is whoohooo a speedboat! lol.  My wonderful hubby also got me a new umbrella light for my N30 photostudio and two giftcards to stores that I love, Long AwkwardPose and Earthtones.  After getting the gifts we talked for abit, then I ran over to the pose store to pick up some poses that were still 50% off.  Des logged off for the night and I headed over to Ash’s place to relax and chat.  Eventually Coyote was able to log in and come join us.  The three of us sat on her balcony and bantered about all sorts of things for several hours.  My SL sister Kaki was able to log on for only a few minutes, so she wasn’t able to join us.  She did however give me a present and card from her and my future bro-in-law before heading off.  Ash too got me a great giftcard to my fave store Nyte & Day.  I know to some the evening might not sound like much, maybe even alittle boring, but for me it’s just what I wanted.  The best present of all was getting to spend time with Ash and Coyote, two people I don’t get to see as often anymore.  The only way it could have been better is if Des and Kaki could have been there to share in that moment. 

The Damage

So long ago when you left my life.

Your choices ripped us apart

Broke up a family

Without even looking back at what you had done.

The wreckage you left.

The truth slapping me in the face…Again.

Like it had many times before

You just didn’t care.

Not like I cared

Not like we cared.

You blame me

It made it easier for you to leave.

You could not admit it was your choices

That destroyed us.

As long as you were happy

That is all you cared about

You finally had someone to give you an identity again.

He gave you one.

But to have that one you had to abandon us.

Like we meant nothing.

All those months meant nothing.

I still have to hold back tears,

I feel so betrayed by you.

Betrayal that mixes with the sad void that you left.

I let you so close

And in the end I meant no more to you than if I had been a stranger.

You will never know the damage you did.

Because I will never let you close enough again to find out.